10 Years

The Blue Pearl

I have had my blog for ten years. If I were a good blogger I would hold some kind of a contest but I am not motivated by readership or promotion, or the risk of inviting unwanted traffic. I do want to do something to celebrate marking ten years, so here goes my reflection:

I started as a good blogger. I had lots to say. I talked with certainty and I stated facts...from my experience. I linked to other bloggers. I met other bloggers and talked for hours with them on the phone. Before the two of us made the connection, a common blogger in Florida realized two of us were from Wichita because we had both posted about the Rolling Stones playing WSU. Kristiapplesauce and I actually met IRL (haha) at On the Border and she had to call her husband to "let him know" I was "not a serial killer". We are still friends today. I wish I could find the posts about when we met but they are all wiped out (her blog is completely wiped out) because...life happened and we changed.

I changed so much, and so drastically that for a time my blog was set to private. Eventually I hated the limitations of privacy, so instead I just erased years of writing. I tried to recover it once but then got over it because I was embarrassed about what I had written anyway.Sometimes I'm still embarrassed about what I have written in the past, but trusting the process has made it possible for me to appreciate history, no matter how much I have changed. So I highly doubt there will ever be another "Great Flood" from this creator.

I blogged through my healing, through graduate school and through my growth as an artist.

I still have vulnerability hangovers but they are not as bad. I give myself permission to post and then delete. The good blogger crowd seems to have dropped off the radar, and these days I don't feel pressure to do anything other than what I want to do with this space. Which means I am posting less often these days but I am sure even that is cyclical. (If you need a good blog fix, please follow my real life friend who writes under a pseudonym.) Instagram is easy and marks dates and times...and I love letting photos speak for themselves.

It can be ridiculous getting photos from my iPhone to Blogger. But I will keep posting here when I have more to say than just photos. My favorite Chekhov quote is, "If you want to work on your art, work on your life." Duh. Live and learn. I have seen my art through my blog and noticed how I used to create to cope. Currently there's less coping, instead, I just like to create. I am sure the need/reasons for my blog will continue to shift, too.

I am grateful to have a central, public space where I can share my heart, my processes with the anticipation that today or some day after I am through these seasons, someone somewhere will care to read about them.  Whether you are reading this now, or years after I have written it, know I post because if you want to know me, I want you to know me---And I would like to know you! (I can't imagine how much I would pour over my grandparents' words if I had them today.... or what if I could figure out some way to read the words my kids will write in 50 years?!) And if you want to share yourself with me now, I hope you will do so.

I am grateful for all of the people I have met and for those who have reached out to me because of the blog over the years. I love connecting! I invite you to share about your favorite post or to share about what my blog has meant to you, in the comment section below. (Yes, Mom, Lara (Anonymous) and Korrene...it might only be you for a while. Maybe some day Mason or Chloe will share, too!)

Thanks for letting me share.