2019 Valentines

Dear Valentines, What is LOVE teaching you this February 14, 2019? Love is teaching me again, too.

My grandmother (“Gram-gram”) has been my FRIEND since birth. Over my early years she played countless games of Winnie-the-Pooh with me. You can imagine how THIS visual and tactile child LOVED drawing COLORFUL plastic disks from the yellow drawstring bag. I NEVER wanted the black disks, and if I ever drew one, Grandma would let me draw again (unless my brother was playing...then we HAD to follow the rules). Perhaps she was being nice, but she might have also wanted the game to end sooner, haha. The game we actually played together was “lost” in one of her moves, so I recently bought myself a replacement on EBay. 

The morning Grandpa passed (2 weeks ago) I knew I was supposed to go tell my grandma good morning. It is definitely not usual for me to run up to Newton on a Monday morning. As I set my alarm the night before, I told myself I could always hit snooze and go up at lunch, or after work. Nope. My body woke me before my alarm. I just knew I had to go to Newton before work. Beyond saying good morning to grandma, I never once thought about why that task would be so important.

So, I drove up to Newton to say good morning before I was supposed to start clinic at 9:30 am. I got to the nursing home at about 8:15 am and I prayed with them & their dear friend, kissed my sleeping grandfather one more time, & asked Grandma’s permission to take a photo of her holding Papa’s hand. I took the photo & noticed Grandma’s watchES.

We sat bedside to Papa, looking at & talking about their watches. She was now wearing his, too. Is that a Movado?! Then at around 8:40 (remember we were looking closely at their watches so the time really stuck) my grandfather very subtly stopped breathing regularly. I said to her “Grandma, I think Papa is not breathing anymore.“ He breathed a few more times and then he was gone. 

I have never been present at anyone’s death before. Years ago I read a German book about color and in it Johannes Itten piqued my curiosity when he said, "When the individual dies, he blanches. His face and body lose color as the light of life is extinguished. The dead soulless matter of the corpse is devoid of chromatic emanation." Indeed, I knew by lack of color when Grandpa chose to fully go with God. 

Next to Gen 1:1, 1 John 1:1 has always been the most mysterious verse to me, the artist, because it is true that ALL COLOR exists only in the presence of light! Grandpa’s passing was such a peaceful, “thin veil”, holy moment. He was 92. This was their 72nd year of friendship and LOVE. 

I got a thank you card from Grandma today (thanking me for being there with her in that moment) and she received my Valentine today. On her envelope I wrote, “I hope my Valentine is not too sad for you. It is about us.” 

Yes, the black heart represents mourning (ever try to make a Valentine when you’re mourning?!!), but it’s also a reference to her blackface Movado Museum watch. The hands are fixed just after 8:45. COLOR FULL game pieces surround...even the black pieces are included. The inside sentiment is taken from Proverbs 17:17: “A friend loves at all times.” In sickness and in health, even on an early Monday morning. The grab-bag is playfully “edited” for the way all of these experiences combine to teach/shape me about LOVE as I play the game of life. Winnie-the-Pooh just happens to edit easily to Melanie-the-Pearl. (Remember how pearls are formed?) 

Thank you for letting me share my valentines with you. And thank you for finding LOVE, with me, in sad or even dark places. Love wins. Again.